Some of my favorite blogs use the number of unique visitors to their blogs to compete with "rival" blogs. "My million unique hits a week beats yours!" It's kinda funny, because in the end, you realize they're just arguing over the internet. Which, according to common internet knowledge is just like winning the Special Olympics. If you don't know what I mean, call your ISP and get off the internet, you don't deserve to be here.
Well, have I got news for you! "You" is really just me, 'cause if you click on the link in the bottom left, there's only one person to ever read this blog: me! The multiple unique visitors on multiple nights are interesting issues of timing and StatsCounter settings. So Violent Acres and Tucker Max can just shove it, because they have no idea who looks at their blogs. Me, on the other hand, knows every one. First there's me, and then there are five more hits from me!
I hope anyone that randomly finds this page promptly leaves and never comes back. That would just ruin it for me, really. Posting a link to me on your blog is right out, and StumbleUpon minuses are even out of the question. I need the kind of security that comes with knowing that absolutely no one cares what I do on the internet. Uninhibited anonymity is my drug. Don't take that away from me!
I should get this shirt from the amazing minds at Despair.com, home of the Demotivators: My Blog. I would sport it with pride. And never give out my blog name.
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